Finally ...

... I'll write about why I am studying to be a priest. I'll do my best to explain all this, but I'm still digesting some of it. Being a Christian is a process, so we won't really understand it all until Heaven.

I'll use the questions from these comments.

First, a little background. I am a cradle Catholic. I went through Catholic grade school and high school, went to mass and recieved all the sacraments when I should have, and was an altar server starting in second grade. I was blessed to have parents who raised me a Catholic and encouraged devotion. Though I made attempts to have a deeper relationship with God in high school, it wasn't until I went to college that I truly appreciated what a gift I had been given.

In college, God put me with some of the best friends I'll ever have. We all challenged each other and grew during our years in school. By my senior year, I was involved in most of the Christian activities on our fairly secular campus. Because Catholics were the minority in our circle of friends, I found myself defending my faith. This led me to a deeper understanding and appreciation of what I had been given when I was baptized. Some of the many things that brought me closer to God during this time were a mens' discussion group that I led, one on one discussions with my friends, beginning to attend daily mass, Eucharistic Adoration, and becoming involved in the pro-life movement. My faith had become the central part of my life.

When did the thought of becoming a priest enter your mind? It was the March for Life 2004 that really jumpstarted me towards the priesthood. I had thought about it before, but never seriously. It was my first time attending the March (which I highly suggest to do if you can) so I didn't know what to expect. We went up the day before and attended the Vigil for Life Mass in the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. That church is amazing. We were several hours early so I just explored and as I did that I got more and more excited. I was excited about being there and excited about being Catholic. Then mass started. It took twenty minutes for all of the seminarians, deacons, priests, bishops and cardinals to process in ... but I never got bored. I just got more fired up. Looking back, I think it was a real (Holy) Spirit-filled moment. Though I was tired and hungry, the mass was just incredible.

That night we had adoration in the gym where we were staying. They did it in a simple room, the opposite of the Basilica, but it was just as powerful. At the end of adoration, we processed from the room to a racquetball court (where they were having all night adoration) singing adoremus te Domine (We adore you, Lord). I was blown away. As we went to sleep praying the rosary, I was totally at peace.

The next morning we went to a youth rally and mass at the MCI Center. The whole arena was full of people and most of the floor was covered with seminarians. The mass was great. At the end, the celebrant asked any men who were thinking about the priesthood to stand up. I didn't stand up, but something in me wanted to. It kind of sounds lame and overdramatic to me now, but that's how I felt. The march itself was amazing; there were thousands of people there all marching for the same reason. One moment that stands out was when I saw some Franciscan frairs (I think) marching ... barefoot. Man.

So, I came home happy and spiritually refreshed. Then during a conversation with my brother on AOL it popped into my head that "You should be a priest." That was it ... I didn't conciously think about it, it just happened. I kind of doubted it was anything real. I wanted God to be the center of my life, but I was pretty sure that I was supposed to get married. I didn't really have anything to back that up, but it was my usual assumption.

The idea of the priesthood sort of stayed in the back of my mind for the rest of that year (my junior year). I did some reading online and talked to a seminarian I know. Everything I found said that the best thing to do in discernment is to get a spiritual director, but I didn't really want to make the effort. I mentioned what I was thinking to a few people, but never really went anywhere with it until the summer of 2004. At a mens' bible study, on a whim, I asked the priest there if I could do spiritual direction with him. He was part of Franciscan University's pre-theology program. He agreed and over that summer I met with him several times. The biggest thing that he helped me with was encouraging daily, private prayer. I was inconsistent with it and always had a hard time concentrating, but after a while, I got the idea that I should really look into the priesthood and couldn't get it out of my head.
When I went back to school I finally emailed the vocations director for my diocese. One of the assistant directors emailed me back and ... long story short, I applied to the diocese, was accepted and ended up here at St. Vincent Seminary.

Was there any conflict in the decision? I would say, a bit. I think I had an idea in my mind that "this is what I am supposed to do," but it took me a while to pursue it. Like I said, I thought that eventually I would get married, but when I thought about the priesthood it appealed to me quite a bit. I guess that I never thought through what my life was going to be about. I assumed I would write for a newspaper or something but didn't really think past that. I felt really comfortable living for God in college because I had lots of things that I could do and tons of support. Right now, I feel that I will enjoy being a priest because I think God made me that way. It flows out of what talents and passions he gave me. Sometimes I miss being able to play music more and do journalism, but I try to offer those gifts back to God and trust that He gave them to me for a reason. In the end, it came to this: I wanted to just throw in everything for God and the priesthood is how I can do that. He put that desire in my heart. That overrides any other plan that I can think of.

Did you discuss the idea with people you knew? What were their reactions? I was in a great position to discern because I had great friends to talk about it with and my parents were very supportive. My first roomate was a hardcore Catholic and we talked about the priesthood a lot. My protestant friends were also supportive because they can also understand a total commitment to God. Even if they didn't understand the idea of the priesthood, they could see that it was still about a relationship with God. When it was brought up in one of my classes, my fellow media students were interested. I don't think I ever got a negative reaction from anyone. That could have been out of politeness, I guess I'll never know.

What role did God play in the process, for example, did He speak to you in any way? Daily personal prayer has probably played the biggest role in listening to God. Though I don't think I ever heard Him say "You should be a priest" during prayer, spending time alone, in silence before God allowed me to really see that giving myself to God is what I wanted to do. I do believe that God speaks through people, and a few times I have really felt that a homily or a reading was directed towards me.

Did you do or change anything in your normal routine to help you make the decision, for example pray more or fasting? I tried to pray more. Daily mass is also really important. If you want to get closer to God, I think daily mass and a holy hour before the Eucharist are the best ways to do it. At this seminary, holy hours are really promoted and I can understand why: spending that long of a time trying to talk to God and then listening for Him to speak do so much in you. It seems hard at first, but it is worth the work. Think about it, if you had a girl/boyfriend and never spent time just talking to them, what would happen to your relationship? We need to really get to know God, then recieving the Eucharist is all the more powerful.

Religious life? I did think about a few orders when I started thinking about the priesthood. After a while I just felt that I belonged in a parish. Though sometimes I feel like I just decided that, I think God wants me to go that direction. When I pray about it, it just seems right.
I think that this discernment process is fairly similiar to any other one: get the idea, pray, pray more, talk to people, pray, make decisions. I would say that if you think you have a vocation to the priesthood or religious life, you should start praying about it even more and try to get spiritual direction. A spiritual director can help you try to understand what you feeling and what God is saying to you. My conclusion is that any life that we choose has to be about giving ourselves to God.

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So ... that was a lot. Hopefully it helps. It sounds really easy and uneventful (as in difficulties) to me. If you have questions, feel free to comment.