ordination meditation

I'm back at school and finally doing a little processing about the weekend of my ordination. This will be a little bit narrative along with some reflection ...

FRIDAY

After a night of packing and serving at Eucharistic adoration for the last time (as an acolyte), I got up, went to Mass and then headed home to Steubenville. I spent the afternoon getting some things ready and thinking some more about my homily for the next day.

At 5, we had a rehearsal at the cathedral. It was surprisingly quick. What struck me most was actually going through the actions and postures of the ordination - lying prostrate on the floor before the altar, kneeling before my bishop and putting my hands in his to promise obedience. It seemed too easy and nonchalant.

We - the bishop, seminarians and vocation director - ate some pizza for dinner afterwards. Then I headed home and packed a backpack with materials to use for my homily (Roman Missal, The Story of a Soul, a notebook). My friend Craigr called me when he was almost in town, so I left and arrived at Josh's when he did.

I, meanwhile, was getting progressively more nervous. It wasn't directed towards any one thing ... this was just the biggest moment of my life thus far. It was a total commitment, and there aren't too many other chances to make this kind of promise outside of ordination and marriage.

We spend some time there talking about life and big moments like ordination and engagements (Josh was getting ready to propose to his girlfriend on that Sunday!). Then we headed to something that would only happen in Steubenville, a Divine Mercy party.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to a party, but was glad I did in the end. Josh and his now-fiancée, Cruz, led some praise and worship and then we all sang the Divine Mercy chaplet. I got to talk to some people about the ordination, in particular a priest I hadn't met before. He is studying at the University. He gave me some great advice and helped me reflect on my ordination. When he was going to leave he asked everyone to pray and gave a little speech ... about me! It was edifying and encouraging. He blessed everyone in the house and then left. We left soon after.

I spent a while in the pre-theologate chapel on campus writing out my thoughts for my homily. I got more and more excited about it and really felt that I was doing what I was meant to do.

I was up until 3AM that night. I went home and got some stuff ready and then crashed. I was still pretty worked up though, because I woke up yelling twice that night. I don't really remember what I was dreaming, but I have never been so affected by stress and nervousness.

SATURDAY

I woke up pretty anxious but got ready and left for the cathedral. On the way down there, I listened (and sang along to) Five Iron Frenzy's "Every New Day." It's probably my favorite song. The words have a lot of meaning for me and I really felt them during that drive. It's a real prayer.

I got to Holy Name and just sort of paced around for an hour. I went over the ordination verbally with another seminarian/MC, prayed Lauds and talked to some people, but didn't really have anything else to do. Around a quarter to 10, I put my alb on and got ready to process in.

The actual Mass is kind of a blur. Some moments that stand out: seeing friends in the congregation or processing in, the moment when the bishop's homily was ending and the ordination ritual was about to start, lying in front of the altar for what seemed like forever (we picked a lot of saints and blesseds!), the promise of obedience, being vested by my pastor, sitting down next to the bishop while Brian prepared the altar, kneeling during the Eucharistic prayer, elevating the chalice, distributing the Precious Blood (and being excited when my non-Catholic friends came through the line for a blessing) and chanting the dismissal (complete with the double "alleluia").

It went so fast! Suddenly we were back in the sanctuary taking pictures with the bishop and others. I was happy to get a picture with the huge group of MUC friends who made it.

Finally, we were unvested and headed down to the reception. For a while I was just completely surrounded by people hugging me and giving me envelopes. It was nonstop and I just kept thanking people and saying hi. It was awesome to see friend after friend.

Eventually the hall cleared out. I lingered with my college friends because they would be leaving first, but we decided that most of us could go to lunch. So, we went to Eatin' Park.

It was cool yet strange walking around in clerics in my hometown. It's one thing to wear them here or at the abortion prayer witness in Pittsburgh, but this is where I grew up. One day I'm just a guy and then suddenly I am this public person, a representative of the Church.

Lunch was fun. Afterwards, I stopped at home and then went down to St. Peter's to get ready for Mass. I think I enjoyed this more because I was less nervous and more comfortable in the sanctuary. My homily went well and people said that they liked it.

After Mass, a whole bunch of people came to my house for pizza. There were seminarians, some college friends, friends who went to grade school and high school with me, my brother's friends from grad school and my family. It was a strange mix, but I enjoyed having everyone there. Once we were mostly done, some people left and the rest of us headed to FUS for the Festival of Praise.

On the way through campus, I got to bless something for the first time - my friend Mike's St. Michael medal. In the lobby, Fr. Mike Scanlan as well as other people congratulated me. I enjoyed the FOP but was extremely tired for most of it. During the Eucharistic adoration part, I was actually starting to fall asleep a bit, but then the band started into Matt Maher's "Christ Is Risen" and it brought me back to life. It was a really powerful moment.

We hung out in the JC Williams Center for a while afterwards but we were all tired. The MUC people headed back and I went home to sleep. And I slept hard after finishing the Divine Office for the day.

SUNDAY

I "deaconed" and preached at the 11AM Mass at St. Peter's. It came pretty naturally and people, again, seemed to appreciate the homily. I got to pray with a couple people and had some good conversations afterwards.

After Mass, I went to my grandparents' house for lunch. They weren't able to come to the ordination but got to see a video of that and of my homily from Saturday that my aunt had recorded. I hung out there for a while until it was time for me to go meet up with Josh.

Josh had proposed to Cruz that afternoon and then they met me at Holy Family Church where I got to bless them. It was really cool for me to do this for two of my friends at the start of this new part of their life together. I ate some good barbecue at Josh's parents' house afterwards, then went home and packed to come back here.

NOW

I'm still assimilating the whole experience. It has definitely changed me. I keep reflecting on what ordination means and it brings back the amazing emotions involved. I feel unworthy but chosen by God. Above all, I'm very grateful.

For now, I have to focus on getting my schoolwork done before the end of the semester.

Feel free to comment with any questions.