One of the coolest things I've been able to do as a priest - and even when I was a deacon before that - has been to participate in the weddings of close friends. There have been several occasions where I had the "best seats in the house" - either I was the one presiding at the wedding or I was right next to him.
As anyone who's seen close friends or family get married, it's a powerful thing to witness a wedding. This is the beginning of a new family - a whole new way of life for these two people. The bride and groom are pledging themselves completely to each other, saying "my whole life is now one with yours."
It's significant, and so weddings are big events. We rightfully celebrate the beginning of a marriage. It's a big deal.
Our culture has a lot to say about marriage as well: who determines what a marriage is, the Church or the state? Is marriage just a convenient social arrangement? Do we even need it anymore?
Fortunately for us who follow Jesus, he has some some things to say about the subject. In today's gospel, the Pharisees, once again, are trying to get Jesus in trouble. They ask him if divorce is lawful - something that should remind us of the fate of John the Baptist. John condemned King Herod for taking and living with his brother's wife, and we remember what happened to John. It seems that the Pharisees want to nudge Jesus towards upsetting the king and losing his head.
But Jesus turns the question around, asking them what Moses had to say about divorce. Moses, as the lawgiver of Israel, was the authority when it came to the law - and, as the Pharisees tell Jesus, Moses allowed for divorce.
This is where things get interesting. Jesus doesn't deny that Moses allowed this - but explains that it was only a concession to the hardness of the peoples' hearts. Humans are weak and imperfect - that's not breaking news - and so Moses allowed some things that weren't ideal but were simply a reality of our condition.
Moses was a man - a great man - but still just a man.
Jesus, on the other hand, is God. He is one with his Father and existed before Moses. So, he takes us back to the beginning, the very beginning.
Jesus refers to what we heard in our first reading - the creation of the first married couple. We know the story: Adam is alone in the world, and none of the other creatures God has created are a suitable partner for him; so God creates woman and gives them to one another.
That is the beginning of marriage - it comes from God; and far from being a convenient social arrangement, it comes from our very being. Man and woman are made for each other.
Falling and love and building a family aren't just results of biology, they are part of the plan and part of our design.
Our design is an image of the nature of God. God lives in relationship - the Father gives everything he is to the Son, the Son returns that self-gift completely, and that love is so complete it is the person of the Holy Spirit.
That is reality, that is the fundamental truth of the universe.
Our desire to love and be loved comes from our creator. The gift of self that takes place in marriage is supposed to be an image, a reflection of the complete, never-ending love of God.
That's an intimidating act to follow. When Jesus proclaims these truths about marriage, they are challenging.
We live in a culture that says no commitment is permanent. Nothing is forever and we should never make ourselves so vulnerable as to offer someone everything we are.
Against this we have the voice of Jesus - and his voice speaking through the Church: marriage is forever. It is not something that we can redefine or re-invent.
All of this may raise some questions in your minds. Well, what about divorce? What about annulments? The reality is that we are still imperfect beings who make mistakes and hurt each other.
I can't cover everything the Church teaches about marriage here, but let me straighten out a couple myths:
- simply being divorced does not mean you can't participate in the sacraments.
- an annulment - what we technically call a "declaration of nullity" - is not
"Catholic divorce," it is an investigation into the beginning of a marriage to see if - in the beginning - everything the couple intended is what we understand marriage to be.
- the process of seeking to "regularize" a marriage that happened outside of the Church, while it may take some time, is not impossible and is a very beneficial process.
If you are in a situation of being married outside of the Church and you haven't been receiving the sacraments TALK TO US. We are here to help and, in most cases, can.
Marriage is a gift from God. It is one of the most visible ways that we are like our Creator - we have the power to give ourselves in love, and from that love life can be created. It's something to take seriously - because God takes it seriously.
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