Consuming Concerns

I've been in a creative mood lately. That basically means that I have this inner desire to write and make music. This happens to me periodically ... I think it's just part of who I am. However, it can be frustrating because most of the time, I really can't do anything that will fulfill this desire.

I love to write, but I have a hard time writing anything lengthy. These grand ideas for gigantic, LOTR-esque epics come into my head ... but there's really no way for me to create them. I'm not that great of a writer when it comes to fiction, much less anything of a book's length. The last time I really tried to write a book was in grade school. I got about 40 pages of a horrible sci-fi story about me, my siblings, and my friends down before I gave up. Since then, I've done a few short stories, lots of fairly bad poetry/lyrics and a good amount of philosophizing. The only writing I've ever been able to do consistently has been this blog, a journal, and things I did for the school paper in college.

Then comes music. If you read this blog at all you know I love music. I enjoy listening to it and talking about it, but I REALLY enjoy making it. Again, it's just not possible for me to really make anything serious. I don't have the equipment, talent, or space to make any music that would fit my description of "real music."

So. What's the point?

Well, I've been trying to think about how I should be using the talents I've been given and I came to a few conclusions: 1. God wants us to use the gifts he's given us. 2. The best way to do that is to use them for His glory and enjoy them without trying to impress people.

I find that I most enjoy writing and making music when I am doing it for fun. This isn't always a 100% thing because we're always concious of others, but we can try. We can use our gifts and talents (even in a public forum) with reckless abandon. As John Reuben says, "I create for the creator but not to impress you ..." Somewhere in my mind, when these moods hit me, I kind of want to be famous. I want my work to be analyzed and criticized and in general, talked about. This is what causes the frustration when I can't create anything that matches the freakishly amazing thing in my mind.

God wants us to be happy and He enjoys when we enjoy what he's given us in the proper way. Even if our creations aren't "perfect" or popular, if we put our heart into it and do it for God, it's great in His eyes. So what's the title about? Well, the leader of our retreat last week said that our consuming concern should be Jesus. This means that all of our thought should be taken up with Him. In my case, that means to try to just "be" for Him and allow Him to work in my life (For me it also means really giving myself to seminary formation. Whatever applies in your case). When I write or make music, it should be for fun with no thought of whether the output will make me famous or be something amazing. It'll be good because it's for God.